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Understanding the Child Who BITES!

Most people find biting disturbing, but in reality, it’s something a lot of kids do. In fact, I was a biter as a kid, and my siblings still have teeth marks to prove it. Just kidding… the marks disappeared years ago.

Most parents are primarily interested in HOW to stop children from biting, but it is equally important to understand WHY children bite.

Here’s the scoop:

1. Experimentation: Some kids bite because they simply want to know what it’s like to sink their teeth into something. This is one of the many ways they are exploring the world and everything in it. Their mouth provides them with an opportunity to literally taste their surroundings… including their toys, food, you, their siblings, and yes, even the family dog.

2. Checking your reaction: Some children bite because they are learning right from wrong and they will test your reaction to their behavior. Your child is thinking, “Hmmm… I wonder what mom will do if I bite my sister.” (It’s important to nip this in the bud by providing a quick consequence to the biting behavior.)

3. Fear: Just like dogs and other animals, children can bite to defend themselves when they feel scared or threatened. If this is the case, be sensitive to your child’s needs and try to help your child feel safe.

4. Monkey See- Monkey Do: Children love to imitate what they see, and this is one of the best ways they learn about the world and everything in it! If a child sees another child bite, he or she may imitate the behavior.

5. Just plain mad: Children are in the early stages of learning self-control, so some children bite to express their anger or frustration. They simply haven’t developed the ability to communicate their feelings in better ways (yet), such as using their words and getting help from an adult.

Toys and play offer children an excellent way to express some of the feelings and emotional needs that lead to biting. For example, if your child bites from anger or frustration, allowing your child to whack a bop bag from time to time will give your child a positive alternative for releasing those feelings. Playing with your child offers them another wonderful way to process what they experience in life and meet their need to “experiment” with different behaviors without actually hurting someone. For example, your child can pretend to have one doll bite another one, instead of actually trying out the behavior themselves!

Source: Amy Wickstrom, PhD, Marriage and Family Therapist, Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor. The play therapy blog at More Than a Toy (www.morethanatoy.com/blog)